transitions and new discoveries
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: Dean Longbottom is the middle child of Neville and Hannah Longbottom. Having recently discovered who he truly is, Dean is hesitant to share the truth with his family, unsure of how they will react to him. He knows he must be brave, though, and take that first step towards his new life. A trans* recognition tale for NextGen.


_**Written for the 'Disney Competition' by MelodyPond77, using **_**Mulan: a girl in a constricting society who dresses as a man to save her father. Write about someone overcoming gender issues. **

_**Written for the 'If You Dare Challenge' by Slytherin Cat, using prompt # 186, shrink.**_

…

"_Mum, Dad? I'm a boy. I know I was born a girl, and I know I still kind of look like a girl, but I'm…I'm not. I know, up here in my head, and here in my heart, that I am a boy. I hope…I hope you'll still accept me for that, and that you'll still consider me to be your child, even though I'll now be your son instead of your daughter. I…I know it's a lot to get used to and I…I can't quite answer all your questions because I don't quite know the answers to them all myself, but I promise, I'm still the same person as always-I'm just happier now, being a boy…" _

…

Dean couldn't find the words that he wanted to say, although he'd rehearsed this speech a thousand times over.

He knew…he knew this was something he'd have to explain by himself, but Dean desperately wanted to call his friends Scott up and ask for help.

His head was spinning and his palms sweating-was that his throat closing up on him, threatening to choke the very life out of him? Oh, Merlin, what if he died right there on the train, and he never got to tell his parents the truth?

_Breathe_…Dean told himself, trying to make himself relax. His shoulders had tensed up so much they were nearly touching his ears and he leaned over, pressing his forehead against the glass window to calm himself.

No doubt his sister Luna thought he was going mad, but she didn't say anything, just kept reading her book and not asking questions.

That was why she was Dean's favourite sister: Luna hardly ever asked questions, claiming that if anyone has something to say to her, then they would say it.

He had been born a girl, to his parents Neville and Hannah Longbottom, and named Alice after his grandmother, but Dean wasn't a girl.

He had certainly never felt like a girl. He knew it went beyond the dislike of frilly and pink things-he hated what was between his legs.

He hated how uncomfortable he felt in his own skin. He hated his own name, Alice, and the way it sounded in his head. Everything was wrong about him, Dean knew, but he had never told anyone the truth about himself.

Dean had shrunk inside of himself, hiding how he felt, how he thought, wishing everyone would just forget him and maybe he'd be normal one day.

He didn't want anyone to know the truth: that he was weird, and that Dean felt like maybe there was something wrong with him.

That's what Dean had thought his whole life: that there _was _something wrong with him, because he wore boys' clothes and didn't feel like a girl.

He hadn't known there was anything else he could possibly be except messed up, or feeling like something was wrong.

Well, not before Scott. Scott was seventeen, and had lived in the cabin next to the Longbottoms over the summer holidays. Dean had still gone by Alice all the time, but Scott had known immediately that there was something different about Dean.

Scott claimed that it had been the way Dean held himself, the way he moved with discomfort in girl's clothes and a girl's body. Scott should know what it was like to be born the wrong gender-up until recently, he had been Stephanie Parley.

Scott had encouraged Dean to come out to his family, but the thirteen year old was having problems finding the courage to do so.

He was so nervous about being rejected, about his family calling him a freak and disowning him on the spot. What if they no longer loved him, or insisted it was just a phase?

Dean's hands trembled as he thought about it, wishing that he had some way of contacting Scott and asking for reassurance.

But the two boys had not spoken since August, as Scott didn't even know Dean was a wizard, or that he went to a school for wizards ten months out of the year.

"You're shaking, Alice," Luna said, reaching over to pat Dean's hand, and he smiled up at her, still used to responding to his old name.

_I should tell her_…_she should be the first to know. _Dean had almost told his sister the truth nearly a month ago, but chickened out and run off. Luna still didn't know, and Dean hadn't been able to find the courage since then.

_If you tell her now, it will make things even easier when you tell Mum and Dad_, the calm, confident part of Dean told himself, but the rest of him was worrying that Luna wouldn't like him anymore or that she'd rush ahead to tell their parents before he could properly explain things.

"I'm fine, Lu," Dean told his sister, and she squeezed his hand tightly before letting go, smoothing out the skirt of her dress and fixing her hair.

Luna had always been rather girly, and her outfit today was no exception-a pink, knee-length dress and a butterfly clip in her hair.

"Are you sure, Ally? I didn't think you'd be so nervous about going home for winter break. I mean, I'd understand if you'd done something wrong, but I haven't heard anything bad about you this year-you _have _been behaving, right, Ally?"

Dean nodded, still trying to breathe deeply to calm himself down, telling himself that his family wouldn't care about his gender.

After all, it had been his parents who had helped Dean fight to wear the boys' uniform for school instead of the girls', in which Dean felt uncomfortable.

He was lucky his father was a teacher on staff at school, or else Dean might not have been able to get away with such a request as a total uniform change.

Of course, it hadn't been enough to get him out of the girls' dorms in Slytherin, but Dean didn't even sleep in there most nights, preferring to sprawl across the couches in the common room.

"You love me, right Luna?" Dean asked his sister suddenly, and he could see the shock in her eyes as she registered what he had said.

"Of course I love you, Ally. Why wouldn't I? You're my sweet little baby sister, and I love you, even if you are a little weird. And Daddy and Mum love you, too-and Hannah, she especially loves you…" Luna gave Dean a peculiar look, her head tilted at an angle.

Dean looked away, embarrassed he had even asked, and embarrassed that Luna was staring at him so closely, like she was trying to read him.

"This isn't about those girls from Slytherin again, is it? Because I can talk to Daddy about it if they're still teasing you-"

"I'm fine, Lu!" Dean said sharply, eyes going wide. He didn't want to complain to his dad about anything, and especially not the fact that the girls in his dorm mocked him for wearing the boys' uniform, or that they called him a queer.

"You sure about that, Ally? You've gone all white, like a sheet. Maybe I could say something over the break, suggest that Daddy have a talk with them about leaving you alone?"

Now…_now _was the time to tell Luna the truth, while she was still focused on him instead of her schoolwork or boys.

"Lu…" Dean took a deep breath, trying to gather all of his courage to speak. "I wanted to tell you something…something about me, that I haven't really told anyone before now…"

_This will get easier, I swear. Just get through this, and your life will get easier. Come on, say it and be done with it. You'll feel better._

"Lu, I'm a boy. My name is Dean, and even though I was born a girl, physically, and I still look like a girl, I'm actually a boy. I…I wanted-I…I _needed_- you to know the truth about me before I told anyone else in our family. I'm a boy…I'm…I'm a transgender…"

…

_**Again, much thanks to CeCe for helping me write this! You're fantastic, darling! **_


End file.
